HOW TO CREATE A SON - D.B.

By Didi Bolaños

Good Morning. Today, humbly, I want to explain how to raise a child. Because after I've created one, any dodder can create, of course.

First, experience is not necessary. One day we were children. And one day our parents were children. So it was, right?

Do this, live normally. I, for example, like to fish in the fields on Sunday. But I hate it when my son cries on the boat, scattering all the fish, and since my wife is working (according to the song), I have to find a way. I definitely hate fishing.

Then I go to the bar to have a beer. But Morcilha, owner of the bar, never has milk in a bottle. He does not even have milk. My son always cries when he hears Candongo singing his pagodas. It hurts the ears. But for the baby it is worse because your ears are more sensitive. Absolutely I do not like the bar.

Soon, I try to see the game of Flamengo and Corinthians taking the beer that should have taken in the bar. But soon comes the shit. And it's not the game in question. It's the same kid. I have to change that "essence" that looks like the brain of the show host after the game. And it smells worse than spoiled mashed potatoes. Categorically I do not like football on Sundays.

To be honest, my son does not do any work. It's easy to take care of those little everyday details. Especially when you can afford a nanny like me. Then I can fish, drink and enjoy football without worrying about my son. When I was little things were more difficult. My father said to me, "Son, make it worthy!" And that's what I do with my boy, even if he's a baby. I fired the maid and left him alone for the last Sunday.
Of course I took my wife's slaps for it. But I was being original, being myself, a sucker.

He has grown up, now he is five years old. At three we went to Disneyland, and at four, the travel agent sued me for not having paid off the debt and I went to jail. But since I had influential friends in the department (who were subordinate to the media conglomerate to which I am a part), I got a habeas pig. My son did not miss me, and even learned to walk, talk and play the violin during this time. When I came back, he forgot everything.

Well, I guess that was it. Creating a child is as easy as joining the documentation for a selective process of government grants. And rest easy: when you feel incapacitated, plug the magic box in front of you into the room and I'll give you some tips. Of many things, and also of how to raise a child. For the world has much to offer its son. And that, strictly speaking, any asshole knows.